Tuesday, April 9

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before," says comedian Steven Wright.

"I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership recently," said comedian Corbett Monica. "A salesman came out and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!' Later I learned he was talking about the payments."

(Both from http://www.romwell.com/humor/Comedians.htm, with thanks.)

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After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim statement and said, "I have some bad news. My grand-father has just died."

"Thank God," his date said. "If yours hadn't, mine would've had to."

From Clean Laffs, 9 April 2002 (www.cleanlaffs.com)